Choosing Creativity over Addictive Energy

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Deep inside your soul, there is a goddess alive.

She’s ready to carry forth your power and your purpose in this world. She is vibrant, possibly fiery and ferocious - almost with a rage that says, “Let me out! I’m ready to shine. This world is mine!”

You may know this voice as the voice of confidence. You may hear her when you envision the future as you dance between the worlds of who you are now now in step with who you wish to be. 

And then in any moment, that same voice can turn into doubt. 

To fear. 

To who am I to do such miraculous things?

And the cycle of numbness loops again. 

In that moment you pick up your phone to scroll. To get lost somewhere other than grounded in your body. 

As if we must shut her down for the truth is so good, it feels scary. 

The unconscious believing that this inner goddess is so creative and powerful, she can’t possibly belong to me. 

Unknowingly we just said yes to our addictive energy.

The one that keeps us disconnected, destructing any momentum we’ve made towards living a life fully here, fully present, fully ready to live out the purpose of our inner goddess.

Addiction to the stories of the past. The times we weren’t enough or as good as…

I remember my first AA meeting, almost 10 years ago. I felt so welcomed, and accepted, and seen. And I wasn’t even there for me…

I was going as celebratory support for a friend who was getting her 90 day chip. I cried for her, happy to see her reclaim power from her addiction to alcohol. Elated to see the inner working of this community which was created so that together, in their pain of being an addict, they could heal, atone, and be witnessed - with intentional support. 

I went home wondering, what about me? Where is my home for people who like me, function day to day in life, work, society, family but who use anything possible to numb the pain of disconnection from my inner goddess, to quiet the wishes of something greater, to tune out the intuitive voice because I don’t feel inherently worthy of the work I know I came here to do in this world. Where is the community for a person with strong addictive energy without the addict persona?

I wonder to myself… Why is it socially weird to tune out distractions in this world? Why do others think our desire to not be distracted isn’t real? Why is it hard for a man to be out with his buddies and not drink and wine the cure all for women? (Psst… I’ve been the girl who couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t drink and kept prodding them to “just have one.”)

Our society grooms us to need distractions from life.

Things like watching TV, drinking, eating cake, internet scrolling, shopping, and (fill in the blank).

Anything to shut down the feeling of good enough. For good enough is scary and what if it's not real?

We seem to not realize creativity and destruction live on the same continuum, and as we disconnect from our higher power with distractions + addictions, we shut down our creative power of manifestation. 

I recently gave up drinking. And now I’m onto coffee. All as I continue to face my addictions to food. 

What I’ve learned in this:

Life is full of distractions that will pull you off track. When you give space for your creative mind to flourish without judgement - with full trust your thoughts may at first seem crazy and true and fabulous all at once - with intention, the need and desire to self-destruct will lesson. There is no perfect. There is no right and no wrong, there is only the journey you choose each and every day. 

We are here to serve, and to serve big. 

The conditioned need for something addictive to keep us disconnected from our highest self, our inner goddess, is bigger than most realize. It take a lot of energy to struggle through these addictive tendencies to say no to distractions and yes to your inherent power + purpose; To choose to create instead of destruct. 

I don’t have the answers, or an e-book, or a TED talk or anything that will solve your problem of the desire for distractions and the unconscious will to self-destruct. I only have the chance to go first. To wake up and make a daily commitment to choosing my creative self over my addictive self. To connecting with my inner goddess who (like yours) if given the chance can do more, create more, live more than we can even imagine. 

I want to leave you with this question for reflection… What if your job wasn’t to be the highest grossing member of your company’s team, or on Oprah, or a NYTimes best-seller, or even to be the very best mom? What if your sole soul’s job was to wake up and honor your creative energy with full trust and authenticity each and every moment of the day?

Do you believe, like I do, authentic creativity is a key to being me?