The sunlight was beginning to glisten on the water and the morning steam was rising off the lake. I had jumped out of bed that morning before the sun with the most energy I’d mustered in a long time. It was morning walk day with my dear friend, Ashleigh.
You know when you have a soul sister who converses with reflection that gives way for the rising of something to the surface that’s buried within? She’s one of those for me.
The last time we talked I was inspired to be of a more of a yes girl when it comes to life and intimacy. On this very morning with the summer steam already throwing a layer of warmth on the ground I was ready to feel that spark lit within in the way only a walk with another yes girl can do.
Unexpectedly, this walk was different. Influential, but in that oh shit, I have some deep work to do *today* kind of way. It was a moment in time that allows you see yourself without any pretty filters.
A deeper layer of self-trust budding.
The questioning of why I make the choices I make.
The truth that I bring fear of the what-if’s and my own stories to important family decisions.
The images of what could be if I brought full faith and trust to these choices began to dance openly in my mind.
Family choices like private vs. public schooling, home birth vs. hospital birth, family finances.
You know, only the kind of decisions that keep you awake at night and weigh down your soul until it feels like it’s trapped underwater and there’s no air to breathe.
As someone who easily sinks into a depressed state, this is like the perfect beginning recipe - like the onion, garlic, celery trifecta for any soup. Overwhelm, pressure, time-constraints - my recipe for a full-on funk.
So as any good girl who has committed to not going there again, after three days of complete exhaustion, frustration, and addiction to TV, I woke up and gave myself the pep talk I really wanted someone else to do for me.
The kind of talk that says, STOP.
Stop trying to figure it all out today. Stop trying to figure all your problems out at once. Stop trying to analyze your way to decisions.